The Squared Café is where I go to talk about the things I liked (and didn’t) from throughout the week in wrestling, comics, TV or just stuff from the internet. I use lots of JPEGS and GIFS because if a picture is worth a thousand words, a GIF is worth a thousand and four. Plus it hides the fact that me no write so good. Let’s ninja, shall we?

Antonio Cesaro



Antonio Cesaro continues to be one of the main reasons I still look forward to watching Raw or Smackdown. Of course, if he was not a part of the WWE I wouldn’t stop watching there product, I just wouldn’t look forward to it as much as I do when Cesaro is in action. I could watch an endless highlight reel of him Eurocutting (European Uppercutting) and Giant Swinging (Gwinging?) his opponents (*especially John Cena) and never, ever get tired of it. Thus, I shall propose:

Ninja Café’s Top five reasons Antonio Cesaro should be the next face of the WWE:

  1. His face
  2. He’s the king of The European Uppercut
  3. Giant Swing
  4. Giant Nipples
  5. Consistency



First of all, that face. Who wouldn’t love that face. Come on.
Secondly, those darn uppercuts! Cesaro has the best European Uppercuts in all of pro wrestling. It’s such a fun maneuver to see, especially the seemingly endless ways Cesaro has of hitting the move. It’s like the uppercut version of the Ace Crusher. It can come out of nowhere with very minimal set-up, and has more impact than most guy’s finishers, yet for Cesaro it’s just a high impact signature move.
Speaking of signature moves…

I love seeing some throwback moves implemented by modern day wrestlers. And a giant swing is pretty darn throwback. Who’s the last guy to perform that move on a regular basis? The last guy I saw perform a Giant Swing was Boris Chekov (the character who looked a bit like Stan Hansen) from Tecmo World Wrestling. Man, I was not good at that game.


Super Nope!

Further more, Giant Nipples. Has that been a crowd chant yet? Surely, it has, right? It’s got the perfect number of syllables for a chant. Give it a whirl next time you’re at a live show, or at home in front of the TV.

For seriously, though. Cesaro is nothing if not consistent. Consistently entertaining and consistently healthy. The last time I remember him being injured was when he had a broken finger, and he still wrestled on every show! Beat it, Super Cena. It’s Super Antonio’s time. No wait, I mean, Super Antonio’s time is NOW. Burn!



Future face of the WWE,  Antonio Cesaro.

They said he’d be gone for up to 6 months, but he landed only a few weeks later.

*I’m sorry, John Cena. You’re alright!

Have you started reading The Manager And The Platypus, yet?
Thanks to tumblr for your lovely GIFS and JPEGS.